Serpentbird
loriabel@gmail.com
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Dragonfly Totem

5/10/2012

2 Comments

 
The Dragonfly Totem is what prompts CHANGE. The Totem key word is "Illusion". I have always known in my soul that Babylon is Illusion. SO why is it so scary leaving all of your material possessions behind? Once ingrained into modern society, it becomes increasingly difficult to know your own "self" while immersed in the illusion itself. Man made materials...though it is "created" is a distraction to what is and the here and now.

I began seeing the dragonfly totem come to me while at my work, cleaning houses. This is the antithesis of what i just stated earlier about the material world versus nature. However there are exceptions to the rule. Spirit will guide you in what ever way it can, to get you to see what you should really be seeing, "behind the veils" of illusion. This way we know that we are always loved unconditionally in the universe.

Today is my second day in Portland, Oregon. I am bewildered knowing i am supposed to be on a "vision quest". I am certainly not in any wilderness here. I am in the large metropolis, I am in the suburbs. I am lost in this mission, to pierce through the veils. I know at some juncture i am going to lose my patience and bail out on everyone. I can't seem to re-gain any strength in the midst of words, and conversations. I can barely make sentences. I am screaming internally for retreat into silence.
After all of the supposed "vision quests" i have been on, I feel that this one is well just as difficult but in a different way of course. Is it okay to find a balance between city and wilderness?
So many unanswered questions. Fear of traveling into a forest to escape modern insanity. Frosty spring nights.
I have a sleeping bag, and wool sweaters, 2 alpaca scarves, one pair of alpaca socks, essential oils, some t-shirts, a bra, a few pairs of underwear.
I checked my bike into the shop after it arrived perfectly at my couchsurfing hosts' residence. On Wednesday I will have the bike back and be having a trial run on how to hitch it all on board.

So why does Shamanka (Serpentbird), leave the world of comfort, for the unknown? It is to make full soul and full God contact. It is to let my own feeling of safety drop out and let myself be caught in nature's spirit webs. Its all hell breaking loose in my emotions. I am screaming to be found. I am a stranger in a strange land, homeless, and free. The more posessions the more burdens.
It has been 5 years or so since my journey to Hopi land. I was a different being. I was solid.
Now i am unprepared for the leap, but it is the only way up.
I know I can not be effective at being an example to others until i feel healthy again.
2 Comments
Dawn
5/11/2012 03:10:18 am

Maybe you are just feeling more vulnerable and open than 5 years ago. I can guarantee you are much much stronger. All we are all doing is trying to find the shadow parts in ourselves and love them. You can do it any where. But spirit has taking you out west. And for GOOD reason. Go to your core. You are right where you are supposed to be.
I was driving today and felt you. Columbus feels lonely with out you.. Its like you are a vibration raiser! And its down a notch sense you left. Keep blogging and keep us posted! My brave warrior bird ! Love you!

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Shawna
5/11/2012 05:11:41 am

Thanks for the updates! Sounds like you are on quite the adventure there! I hear ya about the city. I was just laying out in the sun at my new house and it is so LOUD! I'm going to have to start going to the woods every weekend. Be Safe!

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    Serpentbird, Ancient Goddess, who returns to Heal the Earth.

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